Parents!!!

    It's difficult to remember that not everyone gets me.  Not everyone has had the same experiences, learned the same lessons, or immersed themselves as thoroughly in the world of Autism as I have.  I'm not saying this as a brag.  I didn't ask for this.  I didn't plan it.  When Autism knocked on my door, I tried to slam it shut.  For the longest time, before the diagnosis of my son, I thought that I was an awful parent.  I had so many people blaming my son's bad behavior on me, that I started to believe that it really was all my fault.  I just wasn't consistent enough.  I ignored behaviors that I should have punished.  I let my son get away with murder because it was easier than dealing with his behavior.  I heard it all.  The loudest critics were family members, so it must have been true, right?  By the time the diagnosis of Asperger's was given, everyone assumed that I had managed to find a convenient excuse for my poor parenting skills.  My glimmer of Autistic wisdom has not been easily earned.

    Today I was reminded of how words and actions can be perceived differently by different people.  I've been struggling with a parent of one of my students.  It's the first time that I have not been able to repair a relationship that's gotten off to a rough start.  Well, at least the first time that I've had to continue having a relationship with that person.  Between my family members on the Autism Spectrum and my career as a teacher in an Autism classroom, I've spent many years repairing conversations and helping people to express themselves.  I'm used to having some of the parents that I work with show some characteristics of Autism in themselves.  There seems to be a genetic component.  The signs of Autism can usually be found in an odd uncle, a reclusive grandparent, an eccentric great aunt and sometimes even in the parents that I see and talk to every day.  I'm usually fairly blunt with people.  I wasn't always.  I still TRY to follow the rule that I shouldn't say anything if I can't say something nice, but I have learned to be direct and to say what I mean.  That's why I've been so confused when attempting to communicate with this particular parent.   It seems as if, no matter what I do or say, she complains about me to the "higher ups".   I don't see Autism in this parent and I don't understand her motives or what she is seeking to achieve.  Maybe this has nothing to do with me or maybe it has everything to do with me.  Perhaps my bluntness has caused me to somehow put my foot in my mouth and I'm too far gone to even recognize that I've done it.  All I know is that I'm frustrated and I don't know how to fix it.  We are more than halfway through the school year and I can't figure it out.

    When I bring my frustration up to my friends, they tell me that the mom wants the impossible.  She wants her child to be cured and since I can't do that for her, she will never like me.  They've suggested that I limit my contact and communication with this parent, but that's impossible and frankly, it's not right.  They say that I shouldn't care, that the child will move on in another year and this parent will be someone else's problem.  But I'm the type of teacher that loses sleep over things like this.  I don't want to blame the parent.  There has been enough blame thrown around when it comes to Autism.  I'm a fixer and I want to fix this.  So I live to fight another day and to spend another sleepless night in my quest to solve this communication problem.  I really want to believe that I'm one of the good guys.  I'm not okay with being put in the role of villain.   I'm getting tired of having to explain my words and actions to people from the district office.  There has to be a way to make this relationship work.